By no means am I attempting to diminish the hard work that wives put in to a marriage. I’m not trying to say that it’s harder for the husband…Except that I am. Hear me out.

At many Christian wedding ceremonies, one of the popular readings comes from Ephesians 5:22-27: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

Most men in attendance, including the groom, will jocularly elbow his significant other, sometimes accompanied by a wink, at the beginning of this passage and then promptly stop listening. “See? God says you need to submit to me! Heh, heh, heh…”

But if we actually listen to what is being said in the second part of this passage, we begin to realize the enormity of the task we are given as husbands.

Let’s take the first part of this calling to husbands, in verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Many men properly interpret this as a calling to be willing to sacrifice his own life for that of his wife. But this is not as simple as being willing to die for her. No, Jesus did not just die for the church; he lived and died for the church. God could have had Jesus descend from the heavens as a grown man, conduct his ministry, die on the cross and rise again, but that was not his plan. God sent Jesus to Earth as a baby, to live a full life, enduring all the pain, strife, and temptation of the world, in love and service to his church. We as husbands are not called to lay down our lives for our wives in the unlikely event such a heroic gesture is needed. We are called to live each day as a hero to our wives.

The second part of that calling asks even more of us: “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (emphasis added). This is where the true work of a Christian husband comes in, which is to see your wife as Christ sees the church. Blameless, without blemish.

Let that sink in for a second…

Jesus sees you and I as without stain or blemish because of God’s Grace. Through nothing that we have done, nay, despite all the sins we have committed against him, Jesus still sees none of that and only sees a perfect child of God. “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25. “Then he adds: ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.'” Hebrews 10:17. “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12.

So in calling husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, we are called to always see our wives without blemish, without sin, without imperfection. We are called to live our lives in such a way that their holiness and perfection increases. We are asked to make our lives a sacrifice – not a singular one – but a daily and ever renewing sacrifice to enriching our wives at our own expense.

When your wife does that thing that sets you off? Your response is love. When she nags at you for the umpteenth time about your driving? You tell her she is loved. And when she gives you grief about something after a long day at the office? You give her love.

Is God calling us as husbands to be walked all over by our wives? In a way, yes… Consider how many thousands of times over Jesus could have righteously walked away from you because of your sin. How many times in your life have you earned his wrath? Yet, despite all the times you’ve thrown insult and injury at him, Jesus sees you as if you have lived your entire life in absolute holiness. Because of love.

When put into perspective, the calling for wives to submit to their husbands is actually pretty easy if the husband is doing his part. If a woman knows that her husband has nothing but unconditional love for her, that he will support her no matter what, and that he will never see her faults but only her best self, then it’s easy for her to submit to him. She has only placed herself in the care of someone who will treat her at least as well as she treats herself, if not better.

Of course, we are human, and we will fail. The beauty of “til death do us part” is that you have plenty of time to keep trying. Every morning I pray that I will have the strength, courage, wisdom, and patience to be an example of God’s love to my wife. Every day I fall short (as I’m sure she could tell you). But that doesn’t stop me from trying. And I’ll let you in on a little secret…

I don’t continue trying just because God has called me to do this (though that is certainly a part of it). The real reason is because, as I’ve embraced this calling from God, I’ve noticed something…I really have begun to see my wife without blemish. Every day she is more beautiful to me than she was the day before. Every day I am thankful that I am part of her life, that I get to watch her grow and mature as a woman, a wife, a mother, and as a child of God.

So yes, I think husbands have it harder than their wives. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.